As a follow-up to my post recently about going from misery to joy, where the death of Robin Williams spurred me on to finally write my personal story of going through a two-year severe clinical depression, I have something good to add now that two and a half years have passed. It seems that much has changed in my life and I am trying to figure out why or what has caused this. Here are some things that I have slowly been noticing about myself. My memory has become enhanced in a major way. I easily recall events that have occurred from the recent past and the distant past, including names and locations. I can answer trivia questions and come up with the correct answer very often, surprising even myself. My memory was never, ever this good!
My thinking and retention are much quicker, I grasp ideas and understand things much more easily than ever before.
Having always been one to avoid the limelight and a soft-spoken, low-key person, I find that my voice is stronger and my personality seems to be stronger. I feel more outgoing and less self-conscious and more comfortable in my body.
I feel things much more deeply, more passionately, my compassion is stronger, I feel more affectionate and loving.
My energy level was always fairly high, but now I find that I have more energy than ever. I am ready to tackle things that an older lady with four stents in the heart arteries, prolapses and herniated discs in the neck and upper back probably should not do. I usually don’t even think of those things, and frequently view myself as kind of invincible. That’s probably not smart, but just so you get the picture of where my thinking is now.
Could all of this be just because I am so happy to be back and be participating in life again, or could it be brain changes from the chemicals in the various prescription drugs I took (I am weaned off all of them now) or perhaps discussing my life with a good Psychiatric doctor released some limitations I didn’t know I even had? Is it because I have recovered from the daily misery and hopeless thoughts and I now enjoy and appreciate every single moment of my life? Maybe gaining back my personal power and control as a grown adult, after feeling like a helpless child unable to take care of myself or make the smallest decision has energized my being?
I actually wondered if perhaps, after going through two heart surgeries and the slow process of my little granddaughter dying shortly afterward, and the fact that my emotional state was so weak, is it possible an advanced being of some kind removed my poor brain while I was sleeping and over a two year period, refurbished it using new and improved circuitry? A temporary brain may have been inserted and that brain actually knew nothing about me or my life. That brain had none of my memories, including a lifetime of learning, had no creativity or ability to work my hobbies, nor how to create a meal, how to drive a car, how to make a simple decision, how to operate a normal body properly, how to behave socially, how to think of anything to say, how to enjoy the taste of foods I had always liked, how to care about those I loved, and on and on. Because when I came back into life, it was as if I had a new and improved brain! Science Fiction? Maybe! Does anyone have any thoughts on this?